Sanctuary of Angels

Last week Dave and I entered the restaurant for our celebratory anniversary meal. We sat in the lounge area sipping our drinks. I found myself once again feeling like the cat that got the cream. Blinking, hardly believing how lucky I am to feel so completely in love with someone that is completely in love with me. A perfect reflection.

Only a few short months ago I felt like I was keeping a teeny tiny part back. So small, but held back all the same. I spoke to Michelle as we sipped tea, knowing that it won’t remain so as I had acknowledged it. When I returned home I explained, and just like that it was gone. My love for him is complete.

Before we were seated, we received a beautiful gift from the Beloved in the form of a song. It had been many years since I last heard it, the very song that I was listening to when I realised how very much in love I was with him. Dave’s eyes shining, mine filling with tears before I laughed at myself, come on girl get a grip.

Our relationship feels so new, has it really been eight years? We speak of this often and believe that it feels so fresh because there is nothing under the surface, festering away. For years now we’ve had flowing communication. We can both express how we feel without guilt. The result is that niggles are spoken of and wash away. No out bursts of anger, suppressed frustration, or resentment. We both give each other space for honest expression.

My love for him is complete.

Is my love for myself?….

I have explained to Dave that I would appreciate a day and night to myself, so that I can treat myself differently than I have for the past few years when left alone in the evenings. If not a day then an evening. I am happy with either as each holds a pattern of my behaviour and emotions... sadness, unsettledness and hunger. Sadness of being left from when I was almost too poorly to walk, or pick up a cup. Long passed. I recognise it, I recognise that I am more than ready for it to be different for I am different. I allow more of the newness that is here to fully entre. Or is it to show myself that the pattern is gone and has been for a while, I need not fear it?? Only one way to find out....

I must be able to mother myself before I can mother another little soul... x

Dave bless his likes the idea too, I think a night out with his friends holds a promise of fun and laughter for him, he is good to me ;)

With Love
Katie x x